The Baka and The Murderer
by allthesebitchickennuggets
Summary: AU KakuHida. When Hidan was sent to prison for assault, he was planning on everyone being afraid of him. But he found out that getting that to happen is harder than he thought. What's worse, his cell mate is a murderer, named Kakuzu. Will Kakuzu and Hidan try to kill each other, or will a bond form between the two? Rated M for cursing, violence and future sexual content. Plus yaoi.
1. The Baka

**The Baka**

The silver haired zealot sat in the court, his arms crossed across his chest. His heart was beating faster than usual, not from fear, but excitement. He'd always wanted to go to jail, mainly because he wanted to be a 'tough guy', and now it was happening. There were two of his 'friends' who were there to 'help' him. One looked like a girl, the other was an unemotional red head. Yep, Hidan had some interesting friends.

"Hidan Satsujin." boomed the voice of the judge, catching everyone in the court room's attention. Hidan let a small smirk creep onto his face, adrenaline rushing through his veins. He knew he was going to jail, I mean, more than ten people saw him beat the shit out of some guy he didn't even know the name of. Damn, the guys students say him get the shit beaten out of him. Now that's gotta be embarrassing! "A verdict has been reached." he continued, placing the piece of paper slowly onto the desk. "In light of the outstanding evidence against you, coupled with the lack of evidence to prove your innocence...the jury has ruled that you are in fact guilty of the life-threatening physical assault on Mr Asuma Saru-."

"That's bullshit!" yelled the blonde, jumping up from the stand in anger. "There's no way Hidan would of assaulted anyone!"

"Mr Bakugeki." the judge spoke, tapping the gavel on the bench. "If you don't calm down you will be removed from the court."

The blonde growled as he was convinced to sit back down by his red headed boyfriend, his face flushed in anger.

"Hidan Satsujin, this court hereby sentences you to two years in federal prison for your crime; this sentence is to be served consecutively and is to commence immediately." he banged the gravel again, sealing the zealots fate.

Two guards made their way to collect the grinning Hidan, who made no attempt to struggle. He was handcuffed and brought outside to the car that would take him to the prison. He was closely followed by his friends.

"I swear I'm gonna get you out of there, Hidan." the blonde said, smiling at the other. "You better not die before I do manage to get you out of there somehow."

Hidan laughed and grinned widely. "Seriously, who the hell do you think I am Deidara?!" he shouted. "Everyone will be too scared to try to go anywhere near me!" Deidara chuckled and gave him a quick hug. "Just don't do anything stupid." he mumbled, even though it was impossible for Hidan to not do anything stupid. He pulled away from the hug as Hidan was pushed into the car by the guards. Hidan waved goodbye to his friends as he set off for the prison.

* * *

Hidan's heart beat even faster as he walked past the cells in the prison. As he looked around at the other inmates, he noticed that they were built a lot bigger than himself. He saw one or two slightly less muscular people, but they were still more muscular than himself. This didn't change Hidan's cocky attitude though, as he proceeded to walk into the changing room.

"Here are your clothes. Sorry, they're a bit baggy. They're the only ones we had that were closest to your size. We're not used to prisoners being built as small as you. " an officer with blue hair and skin - which made Hidan stare at him for quiet a while- said as he pushed an orange prison jump suit into Hidan's arms. "It's cool, I'm used to wearing baggy clothes." Hidan said as he put any objects he had in his pockets onto the metal tray on the table. He quickly got undressed, the coldness of the room making him shiver. He quickly put on the surprisingly warm orange jump suit and and sighed. "Okay, where's my cell?"

"Hey, you can't go to your cell yet." answered the officer. "First you need a check up." he continued, putting the shackles back onto the zealot. This made Hidan groan, the shackles hurt his wrists which pissed him off. "This ain't a luxury hotel, kid. It's a prison." The officer smirked slightly as he dragged Hidan out of the room and towards another one. "My name's Kisame, just so you know." grumbled the officer as they reached another room. Standing in the room was a woman with blue hair and wearing a short, white nurse dress.

"Konan, the new guy's here and he needs a check up. He looks like the kind of kid who fucks everything." Kisame chuckled, Hidan shaking his head. The one Hidan guessed was Konan turned towards them with a blank expression. It reminded him of Sasori, only prettier. "Sit down, Hidan." she mumbled. Hidan raised an eyebrow, curious of why she knows his name, and sat down. "If you're wondering why I know your name it's because I get a list of all the people who are in and coming to the prison. Even an idiot knows that." she said, making Hidan growl and glare at her. "Anyway, let's get on with the examination. I'm going to ask you some questions about your health and you will answer. Simple enough?" she explained as if Hidan was a three year old. Hidan nodded and casually leaned back in his seat.

"Do you have or have you had any forms of diabetes?" Hidan shook his head. Konan took a pen from her pocket and wrote on the clipboard. "Any allergies or viruses you carry?" Again, he shook his head. "Do you require any ongoing medical treatment?" Another shake of the head. "Okay, now do you know your blood type?" Hidan thought for a while before answering. "B." Konan finished writing on her clip board and put away her pen. "Okay, you may leave."

Hidan sighed with relief and stood up, being escorted out of the room and back towards the cells where he was to meet his cell mate. He was even more excited now that he was going to meet his cell mate. The first person he was going to scare the shit out of. "Damn.." the officer mumbled as he finished reading the document he was holding in his free hand, his eyes wide in shock. "Looks like you and your cell mate are gonna have some fun." Hidan chuckled and smirked widely. "What? He a tough guy?" he asked excitedly. Kisame smirked back even wider. "More like a murderer." As he said this, all the colour that was in Hidan's face drained away. "A...murderer...?" he mumbled. Now, he didn't feel as excited as he was before. More like scared shitless. "Uh huh. A murderer. All the cell mates we've paired with him have gone insane with fear. One guy even decided to kill himself." Kisame chuckled. "Here we are." Hidans eyes widened as he looked in front of him where they stood in front of a big iron door with a few dents and scratches on it. He noticed all the inmates in that section went quieter, it made the zealot feel uneasy.

"Well fuck..."

* * *

Wowie! The first chapter of my first story!

Reviews are wanted, I'm always open to feedback~

Also, I'm sorry it's so short. *cough*That's what he said.*Cough*

Anywhore~ thank you for reading the first chapter of 'The Baka and The Murderer' ~


	2. The Murderer

**The Murderer**

The door was opened with a load clunk. Hidan felt shivers run up his spine as he noticed a figure sitting in a chair. The cell was dark with no light at all, but he could make out the figure of his cell mate.

"I told you that I didn't want any more cell mates, Kisame." snarled his new cell mate, glaring at the blue haired officer.

Kisame chuckled and grinned at Kakuzu. "Oh come on Kakuzu, quit acting like an old man who's pissed off at kids playing on his lawn."

Kakuzu growled and switched his attention to Hidan, whose eyes had widened when he saw his face. There were stitches from the corners of his mouth all the way across his face. But the thing that really shocked him was his eyes. They were bright red and green. It took him a few seconds to realize he had been staring into them like a total idiot. Kakuzu stood up and eyed the silver haired brat up and down, taking in every detail. Kisame smirked and pushed Hidan into the cell, quickly closing the door. "Well, you kids have fun! Try not to kill each other!" he shouted before merrily walking away.

Hidan growled at Kisame then looked back to Kakuzu, who was currently walking straight towards him. He gulped as he was pushed against the door by the older male. He could see him a lot better now. He didn't look as strong at the others, but he still had quite a bit of muscle. He had brown hair that just reached his shoulders and was of course wearing the orange prison uniform.

"Look kid, you better stay out of my way or you might get hurt. I can tell by the looks of you that you aren't going to do well in this prison. You won't last more than a week." the brunette grumbled, looking down at the frightened Hidan. Of course, Hidan didn't show the fact he was scared shitless. He just started acting like a tough guy like he always did.

"Fuck you, you ugly mother fucker. You don't scare me!" he spat out, glaring up at Kakuzu. The older male glared down at him, grabbing his wrist and twisting it. Not enough for it to break, but enough for it to hurt like a bitch. Hidan yelped in pain and growled at Kakuzu.

"Watch your tongue, boy, or I might just rip it out." Kakuzu growled, letting him go. "Shut up and leave me alone or I'll kill you." The brunette walked to the bunk bed and climbed up to the top, leaving Hidan frozen. After a few second Hidan quickly lied down on the bottom bunk, thinking about what had just happened. He actually thought Kakuzu was going to kill him, or at least break his wrist. He cursed silently to himself and bit his nail. He knew he hated him, but there was something about him that made him feel...strange. Something in his eyes and his voice. He felt... Hidan shook his head and closed his eyes. He hated that guy, there was nothing else to it. He felt like killing him, even though he knew he couldn't. He was too big and strong. Wait, what was he talking about? He's Hidan for crying out loud! He decided that in the morning, he would give Kakuzu as much hell as he could give. That'll teach the bastard for almost breaking his wrist and threatening him. The next day was going to be very interesting.

**Sorry for not updating guys! I've been really busy so I haven't had a lot of time to write. I know, it's short (that's what she said) and I'm sorry. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and remember to leave a review or maybe favourite it!**


	3. First Day

**First Day**

Hidan awoke the next day from a loud banging at the cell door, a loud voice following it. Of course, the voice belonged to Kisame.

"Come on guys, wake up! It's breakfast time!"

Hidan groaned and sat up in bed, yawning and stretching before looking around. Kakuzu was sitting at the table in the corner of the room, picking at a few stitches on his arms. Hidan grinned widely and hopped out of bed, walking up behind Kakuzu. He said he'd give him hell the next morning, and Hidan is a man of his word.

"Hey there shit head, what's with the stitches?" The older man growled at Hidan's crude language and stood up, turning around to face Hidan. He towered over him, glaring right into the others magenta eyes.

"It's none of your business, brat. You should learn to respect people around here, because if you don't then you might just end up getting killed. Maybe even worse." Hidan was incredibly nervous after that short speech Kakuzu just gave, but of course didn't show it. He just continued being cocky and he scoffed.

"Yeah, whatever." He turned around and to the now open door, Kisame standing there with another officer next to him. He had jet black hair which was tied up into a ponytail and he had strange red eyes. He also looked very bored and like he hadn't slept in a week or two.

"This is Itachi, he's gonna be your guide and whatnot. So make sure you stay near him kid, this is a dangerous place and you could get hurt." Kisame said in a taunting voice, making Hidan growl. "But I'm sure you know that already after spending a night with him." He motioned to Kakuzu who was now standing directly behind Hidan with his arms crossed. Hidan looked back and jumped slightly as he noticed how close the older prisoner actually was to him. Kisame chuckled and grinned widely.

"Well, I'll just leave you with 'Tachi then. Good look 'Tachi." Kisame grinned as he said that, pecking Itachi on the cheek before walking away. Hidan was quite homophobic, so that action made him cringe slightly. Itachi noticed this and frowned slightly.

"If you don't like homosexual activity I'm pretty sure you're going to hate prison." He said with an almost taunting voice. Hidan huffed and crossed his arms.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. Lets just fucking go already Ibachi or whatever the fuck your name is." Itachi rolled his eyes and began walking, Hidan following closely behind. The other inmates in the area eyed him with large grins on their faces, making Hidan even more nervous than he was previously. But he kept acting like a cocky asshole and glared at them, making them chuckle and grin even wider.

After walking down a series of corridors, they made it to what looked like the cafeteria. Hidan looked around, obviously not impressed. There weren't many people there and the people who were there were quite small, probably trying to avoid the larger people who were in the courtyard.

"I'll leave you two to have your dinner then, if you need me I'll be standing just outside." You two? It was at that moment Hidan realized that Kakuzu had been walking with them and he jumped in shock.

"Jesus fucking christ!" He yelled, almost falling backwards. Everyone in the cafeteria stared at him and snickered, Kakuzu chuckling darkly.

"Did I scare you kid?" He teased, a small smirk on his face. Hidan growled and glared up at him, crossing his arms. "No!" He yelled, making Kakuzu chuckle again. Kakuzu went to get his breakfast while Hidan sat down at an isolated table in the corner of the cafeteria, not wanting to eat anything. He was so nervous it made him feel sick. Kakuzu walked up to the table Hidan was sitting at and sat down opposite him, a plate with a piece of toast and an egg. Hidan looked at the plate confused. Isn't prison food supposed to be really shit? That actually looked really good, it made him hungry actually.

Hidan looked up at Kakuzu who was now eating the toast, making Hidan's mouth water slightly. Kakuzu noticed Hidan staring and sighed in annoyance.

"If you're hungry you should have gotten something." He growled. He then shifted the plate with the egg on it so it was in front of Hidan, making him raise an eyebrow. "Eat it. You're skinny, I don't want you passing out. That means I'll have to carry you." Kakuzu grumbled, finishing off his toast. Hidan smirked and began eating the egg.

"Aww, so sweet. You care about me." he spoke with his mouth full, making the miser growl. "I do not care about you, and don't eat with your mouth full. It's rude."

"I know it's rude, but ya still care about me.""Don't make me kill you."


End file.
